Tale Three – Chapter Four

Now, as both of our viewers will no doubt have noticed that it was been 3 weeks since the last post. This definitely has nothing to do with the fact I forgot to finish my chapter… twice. As I would never do this. You may also think that it’s taken three times as long to write therefore it will be three times as good, right? Wrong. Anyway I feel I’ve already hyped this up as much as I can. I imagine you can barely contain your excitement any longer, so here it is. Maybe next week we’ll post on time, who knows!


“I look ridiculous…”


“No, you look great.”


“Why can’t I just wear my clothes?”


“Because I’m trying to make you a little less Columbine and a little more Cumberbatch.”


He’s trying to mould me into a version of himself for his amusement, but I will not be moulded! I will be the sculptor that shapes the world in my own visio – ”


“Now, what are you going to say?”


That is no business of yours… and there’s the slight problem that I have no idea what to say to her.


“I’ll take it by your dumb silence that you haven’t a clue. So, pretend I’m her, what do you want to say to me?”




“Just say anything.”




“Say something! Anything!”


“Errrr, if you try to repress a sneeze you can burst a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.”


“Maybe a ‘hello’ would have been better.”


“I panicked.”


“Jesus, this is going to be harder than I thought. Just remember to keep it simple, maybe make a comment about the weather or something, get the conversation flowing.  So, what is this project about?”


“We have to read The Epic of Gilgamesh and create a modern day parallel.”


“Okay, I don’t know what any of that means. Just remember that anyone you ask, will tell you that all you need to do is be yourself.”


Be myself. Okay, I can do that.


“However, in your case you need to be as far removed from yourself as you possibly can be.”


“Great advice.”


“Happy to help! Now go get her.”


Starbucks. The worst place in the world. I can barely hear myself think over the incessant drone of complaints about the trivialities of life. How I shall love to watch this place go up in flames when I –


“Welcome to Starbucks, what can I get for you?”


“Coffee, please.”


Would you like that a Grande?”


I don’t care.


“And your name?”








Why even ask for my name? You’re going to spell it wrong anyway.


“Coffee for Rabies… Coffee for Rabies.”




“Hi, Hades!”


There she is. Remember, keep it simple. Say hello then talk about the nice weather we’re having…


“Nice hello we’re having.”


Nailed it.


“Ha, so ready to start?”




“Whose idea was it to make a modern parallel to an ancient text anyway? Seems like such a dumb idea.”


“I dunno.”


*Sigh* “Anyway, where shall we begin?”



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