Welcome to When Scribes Collide. We are two friends with no writing experience but a passion for it nonetheless. We wanted to try something new where one of us starts a story and the other continues it but only having the chance to read the previous chapter after its publication. So here we are! Hopefully this will lead us to some exciting stuff and whilst I must stress that we are not writers (just people who have always wanted to give it a go) we do have friends who have actual, tangible talent and through a combination of polite requests and bribery we will get them to join us. Enjoy!
Now, as both of our viewers will no doubt have noticed that it was been 3 weeks since the last post. This definitely has nothing to do with the fact I forgot to finish my chapter… twice. As I would never do this. You may also think that it’s taken three times as long to write therefore it will be three times as good, right? Wrong. Anyway I feel I’ve already hyped this up as much as I can and you can barely contain your excitement any longer, so here it is. Maybe next week we’ll post on time, who knows!
“I look ridiculous…”
“No, you look great.”
“Why can’t I just wear my clothes?”
“Because I’m trying to make you a little less Columbine and a little more Cumberbatch.”
He’s trying to mould me into a version of himself for his amusement, but I will not be moulded! I will be the sculptor that shapes the world in my own visio – ”
“Now, what are you going to say?”
That is no business of yours… and there’s the slight problem that I have no idea what to say to her.
“I’ll take it by your dumb silence that you haven’t a clue. So, pretend I’m her, what do you want to say to me?”
“Just say anything.”
“Say something! Anything!”
“Errrr, if you try to repress a sneeze you can burst a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.”
“Maybe a ‘hello’ would have been better.”
“Jesus, this is going to be harder than I thought. Just remember to keep it simple, maybe make a comment about the weather or something, get the conversation flowing. So, what is this project about?”
“We have to read The Epic of Gilgamesh and create a modern day parallel.”
“Okay, I don’t know what any of that means. Just remember that anyone you ask, will tell you that all you need to do is be yourself.”
Be myself. Okay, I can do that.
“However, in your case you need to be as far removed from yourself as you possibly can be.”
“Happy to help! Now go get her.”
Starbucks. The worst place in the world. I can barely hear myself think over the incessant drone of complaints about the trivialities of life. How I shall love to watch this place go up in flames when I –
“Welcome to Starbucks, what can I get for you?”
Would you like that a Grande?”
I don’t care.
“And your name?”
Why even ask for my name? You’re going to spell it wrong anyway.
“Coffee for Rabies… Coffee for Rabies.”
There she is. Remember, keep it simple. Say hello then talk about the nice weather we’re having…
“Nice hello we’re having.”
“Ha, so ready to start?”
“Whose idea was it to make a modern parallel to an ancient text anyway? Seems like such a silly idea.”
*Sigh* “Anyway, where shall we begin?”
We’re back! Hope everyone had a great Christmas yadda, yadda, yadda. Have some fiction!
“Welcome everyone. I trust you all, as responsible 16 year-olds, had good, productive weekends. No partying? Plenty of studying? Your blank yet derisory faces I shall take as my confirmation. Since you must, therefore, be very prepared and the year is coming to a close it’s time for you to begin your end of year project. This will be the basis of your final grade for your sophomore year. Now I know that prom is in a few weeks but quite frankly 2000 year-old books are more important. So, ‘what’s the project?’ I hear you ask. Good question, your task is to read The Epic of Gilgamesh and create a modern-day parallel. To explore Mesopotamian teachings and apply their knowledge to today. I’m not expecting you to write a novel although, if you did I’d probably give you an A, what I’m looking for is anything that demonstrates a clear understanding. It could be a performance, an essay, a presentation, a deft display of abstract miming. Anything! I want you to do this assignment in pairs, pairs that I have already decided and no, you can’t ask to switch partners. Ashley, you are to work with-”
Ancient Literature. Age old stories romanticizing the path humanity took to get to here. How sad. I wonder if their writings would be the same if they knew this was where they were heading. I doubt it. I can only imagine their disappointment at how great kings and heroes have given way to the Kardashians. Will humans 2000 years in the future be sitting in Ancient Literature classes studying E! articles about Taylor Swift’s procession of boyfriends? Maybe she’ll be their Henry VIII. At least the Professor seems to share my disdain for the present – and prom, that puts me at ease in this class, takes a slight edge off my cynicism. And with no reason to go to prom, the exception being mass murder (I know what you’re thinking, just wait), I won’t be rushed with this project.
“Hades, you are paired with-”
Let me guess, Dionysus, or someone else who can’t carry their own wei-
Shit. So this is fear. I’m split between the desire to thank the Professor and to see his spine removed from his body. What do I do? I’ve been handed this opportunity on a silver platter but I’m yet to develop the means to take it. Do I allow myself to squander it? No, I must take it. I mu-
“H…… I….. P….”
“”Hi Persephone, I can’t to wait to start this project with you. How should we begin?”” Is that what you wanted to say?
“Good. Meet me at the Starbucks on fifth at eight. See ya then.”
I think that went rather well.
I’ve got just under three hours. Should be enough time to get myself together.
“Hey! Hades? Is that you? Can you bring me a bottle of water?”
It’s as if he doesn’t get enough water spending half the day in the pool.
I hate him.
“Hey, hold up. Got any plans for tonight?”
“I’m meeting with Persephone to start our Ancient Literature project.”
“Ahh nice, she’s cute.”
“She is pleasant, yes.”
“Ask her out.”
“Because you’re a loner and I’m starting to worry that without some happiness you’re gunna shoot up a school or something.”
Shoot up a school? I would never lower myself to such undignified methods.
“What would I even say?”
“When are you leaving?”
“Ok, I’ve got three hours to work with. I think I can do that. You ready?”
“Ready for what?”
As all 3 of our readers will know, Christmas is a particularly busy time. Consequently we shall be taking a short break whilst the festivities are underway. I’m sorry if this rather dour news ruins your Christmas but if you replace our words with alcohol then the pain won’t be so bad (or it could be worse, I don’t know). Happy Christmas:)
They walk past the window. Scurrying about their pointless lives. Drinking their coffee, complaining about traffic. If only they knew. If only they could possibly fathom what was coming. The glorious rise of my underworld. I will be in command. I will rule them al-
“Welcome to Olympus Department Store. How can I help you?”
“How much are these shoes?”
“I’ll check for you.”
Look at her standing there. On her cell phone, talking to some ‘friend’.
“No, Scarlet I’m on my way. I just needed to stop off at Olympus. Some weird Goth kid is helping me and he’s totally useless. Probably on drugs or something.”
Not knowing that soon they will both be at the mercy of my illimitable power! They will beg and plead for their meaningless liv-
And she was gone. Back into the meat grinder of the world. How long must I wait for my ultimate rise?! My shift nearly over. I can retreat to my sanctum. I can already hear the bark of Cerberus my faithful friend. You shall sit at my side as we plunge humanity into the dark abyss of my underwo-
“Hi, Hades isn’t it?”
Persephone. Beautiful Persephone. She knows my name?
“You’re in Professor Homer’s Ancient Literature class, right?”
“I thought it was you. I’m Persephone but everyone calls me Cora.”
“Great! I was wondering if you could help me? I need a dress for the prom, but I don’t know what to get. All my friends already have their dresses. Aphrodite looks incredible, she’s so full of it.”
Of course I’ll help. I’d do anything for you, I lov-
“Are you going to Prom?”
“Prom is an foolish concept. It shall be done away with when I unleash my rule upon the world.”
“Nothing, I didn’t say anything. I haven’t decided yet.”
“You should, it’ll be fun. Hey, you’re the guy with the cute brother, right? The one on the swim team.”
Of course she likes Poseidon. They all like Poseidon. Captain of the swim team, washboard abs, tall. It doesn’t matter, when I fulfil my great vision I shall take her for my own and she will be mi-
“Is he single?”
“Er. I don’t know.”
“Probably not, no one that gorgeous ever is. What do you think about this one?”
I am overcome with a crippling longingness, a desperate sadness, a doomy vertigo that poured over me at the sight of her. I must tell her how good she looks in that dress. I must articulate my response to her profound beauty…
“I think I’ll take it. Thanks so much for your help! See you at school”
The end of the day. Finally I can return to my dwelling. Poseidon would have to be the first to go. All his wenches will watch as I-
“Hades! Stop daydreaming and get in the car!”
Here we go. The start of our third story. Enjoy! (Yes I know it’s short)
Slowly she walks, frail and unsuspecting. Each step draws her closer. Closer to me. Further into my domain. My underworld. Such insignificance deluded into self-importance. Just a few more steps. She’ll never realize the spec she is, they never do. I prefer it that way. Let them lean into their ignorance. Let them indulge in their tunnelled view of the world. Let them know life. Then, take it awa-
“Hi. My husband bought me this sweater for my birthday last week but silly Dan, he still thinks of me as that 22 year-old he married. He’s so sweet, there’s no way I’d fit into an 8 now but you know, at least it shows that he hasn’t notice me aging… does that mean he doesn’t notice my looks at all now? Oh God. . Stop it Lillian, Dan loves me just as much as he did on our wedding day. The trip to Saint Tropez proves that.”
“Would you like an exchange or a refund?”
“Hmm well I don’t want Dan to think I don’t like the sweater so I better exchange it for a different size.”
“All the sizes we have are hung up by the shoe wall.”
Sweaters. Marriage. Such trivial matters. If only the world was filled with meaning. But then, I suppose, there’d but no fun in taking it. I shall not dwell beneath humanity for ever. I will ri-
“Is this 10 too tight? I feel it clinging to my hips. It does make me look slimmer though. I’ll go try on the 12. See which one I prefer.”
She’ll be the first. Then onto my bro-
“Hadeees! Little brother! How are you? How’s the shift?”
Then onto my brother. Zeus.
“This shift is but an opening chapter in the rise of the underworld.”
“That’s great but have there been any customers?”
“That lady over there is exchanging a sweater…”
“And you know what to do? Put it through as a refund and a new purchase?”
“Awesome, you’ll go far here. I can see it now. Hades, assistant store manager.”
Ok my brother will be first. The apple of my father’s eye. Store manager at just 17, head boy at school and just offered a place at Yale. All things that will be null when I recreate this world. And his precious Hera. Almost as cherished by my parents as my two older sisters. Zeus shall watch as I-
“So the 12 doesn’t sit right, it’s too baggy. I’ll have to go with the 10 and change potatoes for quinoa. Maybe I’ll even go back to the gym.. I’ll call Gabby and tell her we’re gunna start spinning again. I wonder if José is still there. Anyway, thanks for the help. You’ve been great.”
“Thank you for shopping at Olympus Department Store. Please come back soon.”
Hello esteemed readers,
Today I’m going to take a break from our usual schedule and introduce the first, and quite feasibly last, entry of a blog that will accompany the stories that you’re slowly beginning to love. Writing a blog has always been something I wanted to do and has absolutely nothing to do with yesterday’s realisation that the chapter I’d prepared for today was even worse than usual. We keep our standards low here at When Scribes Collide but sometimes we (I) defy the impossible and fail to meet them anyway. Having said that we’ve managed hit our posting schedule every week since we started which way harder than expected (this is evidenced by my previous attempt at a blog which was awesome and you should totally check it out, here’s the link https://funtimeswithsam.wordpress.com/ ). But as I said, the driving force behind this post has nothing to do with any of that so let’s move on.
Obviously the first challenge when writing a blog is figuring out what the blog should be about. I thought about to sticking to stuff I like but there’s a million different gaming/film/music blogs out there and quite frankly they’re probably better than mine would be. So with all that stuff (and subsequently nearly everything else) off the table I decided I’m just gunna wait until an idea comes to me. This was a terrible decision to make on a Friday afternoon hours before my post was due. That’s not to say that the beginnings of ideas didn’t cross my path, for example I had a detailed debate at work about whether a baby or a fully grown adult would be juicier to eat (the answer is clearly a baby, the fact that it made it to a debate is staggering) which led me to the topic of ‘things worthy of discussion but people might get offended so we probably shouldn’t talk about them’. Unfortunately with a blog such as that one, it would require more than just my input because otherwise it wouldn’t so much be a discussion as it would be just one man blogging about eating babies and I’ve seen our metrics, we’re not getting any input. Though to be fair, I’d read a blog about eating babies so maybe I won’t throw away this idea quite so quickly.
My second idea, which I must add was greatly encouraged by my writing partner, was to publish a list of my favourite celebrity sex tapes. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Do it!”, but again, there are downfalls. Firstly, I haven’t actually seen that many celebrity sex tapes so my opinion is somewhat lacking on the subject and secondly, celebrities aren’t quite keen enough on exhibitionism these days to make it a worthwhile venture. Truthfully, ‘baby eating and similar topics’ is a much better idea and the more I write about it the more I find my self leaning towards the idea. I must also mention that I considered “The Similarities In the Mating Rituals of Giant Otters and Aardvarks” as a topic but after quick research it appeared that the similarities are limited to the fact that they both have mating rituals and thus that dream was ended.
So as I approach the end of this inaugural blog post it seems as though I’ve managed to both convince myself that this blog shall be renamed “Things Worthy of Discussion But People Might Get Offended So We Probably Shouldn’t Talk About Them: Volume 1” and successfully distract you from the fact that I failed to write a competent chapter this week. Maybe they’ll be a “Volume 2”. Who knows? Maybe I’ll instead become an organised and functioning human being. Either way, next Friday something will be posted (at the very least you’ll get a meme, if you’re lucky it might even be a gif) and I hope it’s the start to our new story so make sure you come back then and have a read or I’ll eat you baby.
Here are the artworks from our second story ‘Manslaughterer’. Check back next week for the start of a new one!